


Life Could Be A Dream Sweetheart

by this_wicked_love



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Closure, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Forgiveness, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Lucille the bat is gone, M/M, Rick and Negan have issues and they need to work that shit out, Slightly altered universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 11:00:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9892424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/this_wicked_love/pseuds/this_wicked_love
Summary: Rick felt something wet run down his cheek. He reached up to it, his mind idly trying to recall getting hurt, pulling his hand away he realized, it wasn't blood.It was tears.Negan and Rick are finally together but Rick has been acting strange and Negan is pretty sure he knows why.





	

Life was far from a fucking dream. The first couple months after they'd finally gotten together had been a little rocky. People were shocked, though Negan didn't understand why, - he'd made his interest in Rick pretty clear from the getgo, in his opinion - he figured they were more shocked that their good, gracious leader would be with the likes of someone like Negan.

Negan didn't give a shit what they thought, to be fucking honest. The only thing he gave a shit about was his family. He'd never had kids before, but the dad life suited him pretty well when sided with a world of brutality. There was always just enough edge around them to keep him feeling enough like himself that the softness of domestic life hadn't driven him out of his mind like he might've thought it would.

But aside from the perks of fatherhood, his and Rick's relationship had never really found it's footing. They were happy, mostly. As happy as their circumstances could allow. But something with Rick always felt, off.

Some days were damn near close to perfect. But other days left Negan feeling like an outsider in his own home.

Carl had actually taken a liking to him after a while. Once he’d calmed down enough to accept the fact that Negan wasn't going anywhere he’d then changed tactics from trying to intimidate him out of the house to investigating.

He watched Negan, trying to sniff out whatever the hell his dad saw in him. And he'd either found it or trusted Rick enough to let it go because he'd come around a few months in, taking notice of his dad’s strange behavior and offering Negan reassuring looks whenever Rick was in another one of his moods.

“Maybe you should just talk to him about it?” Carl had finally told him in month five. Negan had brushed off the idea, “He's just PMS-ing” he'd joked, “He'll get over it.”

Month six came and went and Rick had definitely not gotten the fuck over it.

Negan had tried everything. Tried being out of the house more whenever Rick would show signs of whatever mood it was that made him seem like he could barely tolerate Negan’s existence. Tried being nicer to him, but was only met with stiff replies and the cold shoulder.

The looks Carl would give him whenever his attempts at making nice failed were the worst part of the whole ordeal. He could practically hear his words in the kid’s expression, _you should just talk to him._

But Negan didn't want to talk. He didn't want to ask Rick what was bothering him because he was pretty sure he already knew. And he'd rather cut off his own fucking hand than bring that up. Thank you.

It wasn't till they were two weeks into month seven Negan realized if he didn't say something he was going to lose Rick.

Rick had gone from stiff replies to dead silence. From the cold shoulder to flat out fucking avoiding him like the plague. He hadn't seen Rick in two days - having taken it upon himself to sleep on the couch whenever he noticed Rick getting back into his mood - when he finally decided to get it the fuck over with.

He didn't want to bring it up. Because bringing it up would bring back everything, and cheesy as it sounded, Negan didn't want to lose his family.

But not bringing it up would mean losing them anyway so if he was going to lose them, he was going to go down fighting.

Negan waited up for Rick the next night, waited so long he was about to go out and look for him when he walked in.

Rick looked surprised to see him in their room, despite the fact that they shared it, probably having expected he'd be on the couch like he usually was.

Negan felt like a damn coward, immediately annoyed at himself that Rick had expected Negan not to be there when he was upset.

He latched onto the feeling, steeling himself with it as he took a breath, “We need to talk.”

Rick raised a brow at him, otherwise expressionless as he regarded Negan curiously, “Okay.” he nodded, closing the door behind him.

“What do you want to talk about?” Rick asked, furthering Negan’s irritation.

“What do I want to talk about?” Negan echoed, Rick’s expression unchanging while Negan riled himself up.

“Oh I don't know Rick, why don't we talk about how you've pretty much been giving me the finger for the past seven months? Would you like to talk about that?”

Rick was unfazed, giving a deep sigh he walked to the dresser, laying down his axe and gun atop it, running a tired hand over his face.

“What do you want me to say?” he asked, Negan almost choking on his spit.

“What do I-?” Negan sputtered in disbelief, running a hand over his own face before letting out a dry laugh, “Well **shit** Rick, I don't know. Maybe _why the fuck have you_ -”

“ _You killed them_.”

And there it was. Everything Negan had feared all these months, neatly compacted into one fucking sentence. The one thing that could tear he and Rick apart.

Rick turned around, his face filled with all the hate and disgust from the night they met and for a second it felt like they were right back there, Rick glaring up at him, making a promise he wouldn't keep.

_‘I'm gonna kill you.’_

Rick looked like he wished he had.

Negan felt pissed. He felt angry and violent, his entire body heating up as he vibrated with rage.

“Are you serious?” he said, his voice a deadly calm, “Are we really back to this shit?” he hissed.

“For fucks sake, Rick. When are you gonna let that shit fucking _go_?”

Rick looked like Negan had hit him, his eyes filled with hurt before they refilled with disgust, looking at Negan like the piece of shit he was.

“ _Let it go_?” Rick mimicked, “You _murdered_ my fucking _family_!”

“You think that's fucking something somebody just gets over? Like it's just a bad dream you can forget in the morning? You killed Maggie's husband. My _friend_. You killed Abraham. Rosita _still_ can't look either of us in the face without wanting to put a bullet in our skulls and you expect me to just get _over it_ -?”

“ ** _I didn't know_** ** _!_** ” Negan boomed, cutting him off, his voice loud and dominating in a way he hadn't spoken to Rick in a very long time.

He looked apologetic and it took Rick a second to realize he'd been trying to interject but Rick wouldn't stop.

Rick felt something wet run down his cheek. He reached up to touch it, his mind idly trying to recall getting hurt, pulling his hand away he realized, it wasn't blood.

It was tears.

Negan was there the next moment, wrapping himself around Rick like a shield, bumping their foreheads together gently, “I didn't know.” he repeated, softer.

“I didn't know who they were, I didn't know _you_. People weren't _people_ to me back then, Rick. They were **cattle**. Fucking _mindless_ , stupid fucking _**animals**_ with no purpose. You taught me different. **_You_** were the one who showed me-”

“I didn't get it. _Not till you_. If I’d known..” he trailed off.

“ ** _Fuck_** Rick, don't-” he paused, shaking his head “don't you know how much I fucking regret it? How fucking _sorry_ I am?”

“Every time I think about that night, what I did, what I took from you..” his grip on Rick tightened with the memory, his voice turning cold and bitter.

“ _Makes me wanna take that stupid fucking bat to my own fucking_ -”

“Why didn't you tell me?” Rick, having pulled away, interrupted, staring at Negan with an odd expression on his face, “Why didn't you ever _say_ anything?”

“Because.” Negan replied, looking so lost and hopeless and fucking empty it almost made Rick feel guilty, “It's pointless as tits on a fucking bull.”

“Won't change shit.” he said, “Won't make it right.”

Rick couldn't argue with that. Couldn't even really fault him on staying quiet. It wasn't like he’d been quick to confront Negan about all this either. But still.

“You shoulda said something.” Rick told him, “ All this time..” he shook his head.

“I know it seems easier to just forget, pretend it never happened and move on. But I can't.” Rick looked him in the eye, “I can't do that.”

“They were my **_family_**.”

Negan looked broken, a look Rick presumed only he and he alone had ever been allowed to see him wear. But Rick wasn't trying to break him, not right now. Not anymore.

“Nothing can fix what happened.” Rick agreed solemnly, because Negan had been right about that.

Nothing Negan could say could give Rick back what he'd taken from him. No words could give Maggie’s child back their father, or give Abraham back to Sasha.

“But,” he continued, “this whole time, I thought I was betraying them by being with you.” he confessed.

“Like I was sleeping with the man that murdered them who didn't even give a damn about it.”

“No apology could ever make things right.” he repeated softly before looking at Negan meaningfully, “But it does mean something.”

Negan snorted, “Like what.” he asked, unconvinced. Rick shrugged.

“It means..there's hope.” he answered. “For me. For you.”

“ _For us_.” he added, reaching for Negans hand, the two of them watching their fingers knit together before looking back to each other.

“It means there's good in you.” Rick all but whispered, a glimmer shining in Negan’s eyes before he rolled them, Rick catching the smallest of smiles on his lips before he pulled Rick into him, tucking Rick’s head into his chest, muttering.

“ _Such a fucking **sap**_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Alright I know it's short and shitty but I had it stuck in my head and I needed to get it out so I figured might as well post it? 
> 
> First Negan/Rick writing ever so let me know what you think!


End file.
